12% BEER
Your Uterus Needs To Be Decorated
    Hi! I'm Christopher Lowell! Welcome to my show! I've got alot of ideas that I'm eager to share with you and I just bought this new sweatshirt. Isn't it darling? It's real searsucker cotton. I love this zipper. It goes up and down. You know I like that. I kid. Or do I? Oh, I do. Let's get started! First, let's take a look at some of the mail I get. I get letters all the time from people that just are clueless when it comes to decorating. So, bless their hearts, they write me for tips and advice in changing their plain Jane decorating taste into something that is more Razzley and Dazzley. And if you watch this show enough, you know I am the Queen of Razzle Dazzle.



Oh! Here's our first letter. "Dear Queen of Razzle Dazzle: I have a uterus that I just don't know what to do with. Every month it takes it apon itself to redecorate itself. Not to offend it or anything, but sometimes I just don't agree with the decor it chooses. It's so very internal and not at all creative in the least. On top of that, it takes my uterus days upon days to actually finish it's project. I would like to ask you to help me help my uterus. Please, any advice that you may have would be welcomed... especially if it's advice that is easy, painless, and doesn't make me spend an afternoon curled in a fetal position. I'm including a picture. Thank you Christopher Lowell. Thank you so very much. Signed, LadeeLeroy." Let's take a look at that picture, shall we folks?




Wow, LadeeLeroy. That is one boring uterus. But, don't worry. We have alot to work with and I'm the master of taking something that is Plain Jane and making it the uterus of your dreams. What you have to do, LadeeLeroy is look at what we have to work with. As you can see, there's two ovaries. There's alot of unused space there that really just makes the rest of the Uterus look drab and uninspired, so we'll have to do something with that space. Now the actual womb area of your uterus seems a bit, well, how should I put this? Um. Well, frumpy. You have a frumpy womb. If I were a sperm and I were hanging out in that womb, I'd be so bored I'd have to conceive because there's nothing else to distract the attention with. Also, I'm noticing a lack of light in this womb, so we'll need to do something about that.



If this were my uterus, I'd want to make it more appealing. I'd want people from all over to want to come into my uterus and feel welcomed, at home and at ease. I don't want them to come in there and feel that they have to continue to be stiff and uncomfortable, because who wants to feel like that?  So we'll have to make a sitting area that really  invites your visitor to come and stay awhile. Maybe do something a bit Feng Shui. And that vaginal canal just needs a splash of color... enough of this talk...


  Let's Get Started!

*****************TIME PASSES******************


Okay, LadeeLeroy. You're uterus is finished. Let's take a look.



Phew. That took alot of work. But let me just tell you that putting a bit of sweat and a dab of creativity makes all the difference. As you can see, I made use of that void space between the ovaries with a bamboo tree that I got from China. Now, bamboo is supposed to be lucky, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed that your uterus sees alot of action with it's new look On the right hand side you'll see that I added some cartoon candles and a wind chime. Not only do these really take up some space, but they also add a very relaxed atmosphere to your uterus. I've also placed a "It's Chi Time" waterfall on your fallopian tube there to just add a bit more eye candy to what was once a pretty boring place to look.


I travel alot, and my journeys often lead me to fabu discoveries. For example, the Aztec coffeetable that I've added to the middle of your womb really brings some color and some culture. The sharp edges of the Aztec coffeetable are complemented with the more soft and feminine throw pillows that were actually fashioned after the Inca culture. The Inca's thought that a womb was actually the purse that carried the woman's soul. Isn't that cute?!? Also, I've added these Recco Chairs on the top liner there so that your guests will have a place to sit and cool their feet after their long journey up your vaginal canal. Speaking of your vaginal canal- don't you just love how these pastels brighten up what was once a dark and kind of drab area? I sure do. I didn't really have a particular technique when applying the paints, I just went nuts. Sometimes that's what you have to do to Razzle Dazzle your decor.


Well that's all the time we have for today. Join me tomorrow when we'll be redecorating the inside of Mrs. Handsimmer's colon and finding out creative ways to use beads and rhinestones to bring out the natural beauty of tendons. Until next time!


Get All Notified:

I know you were here.
Copyright 2001, 2002, 2003, 2004 L.Leroy