Dear LadeeLeroy Journal:
Hey there baby doll. MmMmMm. You are looking good. Still sleek and nicely formatted what with your frames all straight and stable up in here.
Damn journal, you are so fiiiiiine. If you were a pastry I would order a baker's dozen of you and not give any to the homeless because I would want you all to myself journal. That is how fine you are, baby. Fiiiiiiiiine.
What's that baby?
Where have I been?
Ah, damn baby.
I've been around. I just haven't been here..... and.... and... There is a simple explanation for this and that explanation is:
I've been cheating on you, baby.
That's right, baby. This entire time. I know you probably knew something was up, what with the missed e-mails, the non replies to guestbook writings, the weekly updates that were subpar, and the unfamiliar printer toner smell along with the smudges of ink on my collar.
I'm sorry, baby. This is how it happens sometimes. I didn't mean for it to occur, it's just that I was so lonely and so uninspired here, and you were just so hard to get in touch with what with your dial up access and all and I didn't know where to go for comfort and soothing ego strokes.
And you know how it's been for me lately, baby. What with all my mourning still going on up in here and with my ass still unemployed, you know that a woman has to find ways to make herself feel better about what's going on in her life. She needs to feel like she's still got it, that she can still produce the funny funny.
And lately, baby. The funny funny just hasn't been there for us. I know, it's not your fault, you didn't ask to be available only thru dial up and my ass can't afford to get cable hooked up in here. Damn, baby, I can't even afford to eat toast right now.
But baby, you know how it is. When the funny funny isn't happening where it needs to be happening, a person will go looking for the funny funny somewhere else.
Who is it?
Ah damn baby, you don't need to know about this other project.
Do you know the other project?
Ummmm. Damn baby, I don't know if I should even be telling you this because I know it's going to hurt you and I hate to see a sweet journal like yourself get hurt. You been so good to me journal, you been nothing but sweet angel cakes of love.
It's The LadeeLeroyShow.
Baby? Baby are you all right? You look a little pale, are you sure you want me to go on?
When did I meet The LadeeLeroy Show?
Well, baby. This is how it happened. You remember about a year ago this time I took some of your entries and I put them up at that fringe fest? Well, they got a pretty good response and well, without going into specific times and dates and what not, someone cool asked to produce it into a staged show and I said, "Sure, okay.," and that's how it happened.
Listen, I need to tell you more. Now like I said this happened almost nine months ago.
Yes, nine months ago. Yes, that's right baby, The LadeeLeroy Show is being expected. In fact, it will be expected in late April.
Now here's where it gets a little messed up, baby. I've been thinking and focusing on The LadeeLeroy Show off and on for sometime. In fact, I was going to just have it out of the way and done in December, but then my brother died... and yes, I'm going to mention him now because it's a valid excuse for why I totally put all things on the back burner, because that's what a woman has to do when she's going through so much...... and when I was finally starting to feel like things were getting to some sort of normalcy, I got my ass terminated and things just went all wonkified from there. So, The LadeeLeroy Show was just left up in the air... I never broke up with it because, to be honest baby, I didn't want to miss out on having a relationship with It.
And now it's mid-March and The LadeeLeroy Show is having some complications what with my recent writers block and all. But when it is time for it to be up and ready, I want to be there for it baby. I want to be able to say that I took responsibility and helped make it happen.
So what I'm asking for baby, is a little time apart.
I just need to take a step back from your sweet fine ass and concentrate a little bit on The LadeeLeroy Show because I don't want it to be birthed on stage and coming out looking all stupid and half-assed, because that's not my style baby. That's not how I am, you know that....
So that's what I'm asking for baby.. I'm asking for your permission to step back and concentrate on The LadeeLeroy Show because that's my boo right now. That's where I need to be baby.
So is that cool with you baby? Is it? Just let me know on my cell or circle one below:
Yeah, we cool.
Fuck your cheating non funny producing ass.
All right sweet fine ass journal. I will await your answer.