12% BEER
Now I take a break from saying, "O! Woe is me!" and Talk About The Smell Of Ass
  There is a distinct scent of ass wafting from the bathroom into the outside corridor.

It's one of those sickly sweet and sour smells that you can't really ignore, but you have to as it'd be even worse if you just screamed out, "Egads! It smells like rotting rim holes out here!"

I was just now waiting for the elevator to retrieve something from my car when I noticed the offending odor. As the elevators here are apparently operated purely by a pulley system involving dental floss and ferrets running in oversized wheels, I was forced to remain in the smelly area for sometime.

I attempted to do the nonchalant The Collar Of My T-Shirt Also Doubles As An Air Filter technique, but was stifled when someone from an adjoining office joined me in the waiting area of the elevators.

There was silence. I was breathing through my mouth, but was still able to smell the scent of ass as it was so strong my tastebuds evolved into mini nostrils.

The gentleman next to me was quiet. His face was complete stone. I assumed that he had lost his sense of smell in some war from long ago.

I wondered if he thought that the ass smell was coming from me. I wondered if he thought that the tall chick that was breathing with her mouth wide open next to him was a vegetarian who had a bowl (bowel) full of Lentils the night before. This was the scent of vegetartian ass, afterall.

Nay, it was not me, dear sir. I had consumed a large quantity of comfort food consisting of Mac&Cheese, Cole Slaw, & Chicken. The smell of vegetarian ass did not belong to me, but wafted from the restrooms behind us.

I did not let him know this, however. Mostly because I would be forced to breathe more of the foul air if I spoke and I did not want to chance that.

The ferrets must have gotten a Turkey Jerky treat or something because the elevators finally arrived. When the doors opened the gentleman and I both rushed inside, actually banging into one another's shoulders as we entered the elevator. As the doors closed, the man let out the longest breath I've heard in sometime.

He was holding his breath the entire time we were waiting for the elevator.

He spoke, "They really need to do something about the venilation out there." which is professional speak for, "HOLY SHIT. It smelled like rotting rim hole out there, didn't it?"

I said, "They need to do something, that's for sure." which is professional speak for, "I'm so glad you know that that smell wasn't coming from me."

He said, "What floor?" as he gestured to the menu of buttons. I took it to mean, "We made it through that ordeal together. You're a good soldier, Leroy."

I said, "First, please." What I meant was, "I will never forget you sir. Someday I hope to hold my breath as long as you can."

We arrived at our respectful floors. He went down one hallway, I went down another, but we shall always be bonded with the tragic expierence of being exposed to the smell of vegetarian ass for such a long amount of time.

I wonder where he is now.

Get All Notified:

I know you were here.
Copyright 2001, 2002, 2003, 2004 L.Leroy