12% BEER
Why would I be ashamed of my Fine Nude Self?
  Skin. Nipples. Hair.

That's pretty much what my body consists of and I'm fine with it. I have no shame with my body, in fact, I think that I look pretty damn nice naked.

However, I am not one to flaunt my nude self in public. Does this mean that I have some issues with my own personal nudity? Perhaps... but I'm not really sure why.

Let me tell you why I bring this up.

Lipman is a fine man. Fine in the mental, emotional and physical sense. His combination of skin, nipples, and hair is very pleasing to my eye and I'm sure that it would be pleasing to other people's eyes as well.

However, Lipman has no hesitation in displaying his nudity. Not in the sense that he'll walk around the city of Austin completely nude. No, rather.. he is one who'll, at times, whip out his Lipman, Jr. and let it take a look at the enviornment outside of its usual Levi constraints. There are also times where Lipman will actually step outside of the apartment to check the weather. Nude.


Butt nikkid.

I understand that this will give him the most accurate temperature check that he can get. However, I have a bit of a problem with him actually stepping outside of the house, take a couple of quick steps around the courtyard, his penis hopping happily and freely about, and then confirm that "It's a nice day out."

Why do I have this problem? Well, it's mostly because we live in an apartment complex. 'Complex' implies the idea that there are other people around. Many others. Others that may have a problem with running into a naked Aussie while he is in the middle of doing a reading on his body temprature's gauge in configuration with the outside temprature.

Of course, not once has a neighbor been out while Lipman is doing his ritual. Not once has a complaint been lodged. Nonetheless, it still makes me a little uneasy to know that an unplesant encounter with the midget upstairs or any other of the fine folk that live there are a mere pubic hair away from seeing my boyfriend naked, in the courtyard, checking out the weather.

This morning a fine, brisk, cool Texas day greeted us. I first stepped outside, clothed, to see if my choice in wardrobe would coordinate with the weather. I found that everything I had on was compatible. Lipman, however, needed to check on the temprature himself. The minute I saw him headed towards the door without any clothes on I said, "Babe- don't come out here naked."

Lipman gave me a little nude look and stepped outside anyway. "It's no big deal babe..." was the tone I got from his body language. When I again voiced my opposition to his weather reading technique, he decided to mock my uptightness with a little naked jig in the middle of the apartment's courtyard. Full eye contact throughout the entire jig. A wry smile plastered on his face that said, "Nanny nah nah boo boo. My dick likes the sun."

That's when I went inside and shut the door.

And held the door shut.

Not locked, mind you, but used my foot as a stopping apparatus.

Lipman tried to open the door. However, his naked force was no match to the physics that resulted from my firm toe hold. He banged on the door, "BABE! LET ME IN! A NEIGHBOR'S COMING."

I was not going to fall for his trick. The neighbors are never around when Lipman is naked, I thought. I continued to hold the door shut. The banging got louder and was mixed with Lipman's muffled apologies to someone outside.

"I'm so sorry, my girlfriend locked me out of the apartment.," I heard him say.

That's when I realized that a neighbor was actually outside. Outside and most likely gazing at the naked Aussie dick that was pounding against the door. I opened the door.

Lipman rushed inside and pushed me out and said, "Go apologize to the neighbor for locking me out naked."

Well I was laughing too hard to do this seriously. Awkwardly I looked in the neighbor's direction and laughed out an insincere apology, "I'm sorry. He was checking the weather. Hardy har har har. Snort."

The neighbor was cool. It's the same neighbor that's in the apartment right next to us and I've heard him have sex a dozen times before, so it was really no big deal.

When I came back inside, Lipman was laughing, too. But later he became pissed.

Naked and Pissed.

"WHY DID YOU DO THAT?!?!" he asked, still sort of laughing but truly upset by the entire experience.

"Because I hate it when you walk outside naked to check the weather...," I replied, still laughing, but seriously answering.

"You're trying to control me! You did that purely so you could force what you wanted onto me!" was the essence of his rebuttal.

I went onto explain that I wasn't trying to force any opinon on him. I told him that I was being playful. I told him that I would not had done it if I had known a neighbor was approaching. I told him that I don't like it when he checks the weather naked.

"Just because you have a hang-up about your own nudity doesn't mean I have a hang-up about mine."

And that's when I sort of lost my footing in the argument. I still don't want to say that he was right... because I don't think that I was forcing my opinons onto him by keeping him outside of the apartment.. but at the sametime, if I really had no hang-ups about nudity.. why the hell do I have a problem with him walking around naked outside if he wants to?

Now I'm sort of stuck. I'm stuck in the argument that I'm not even really sure is an argument. I'm all for nudity. I'm all for nude beaches, nude resorts, nude bowling, nude sushi bars. Yet, for some reason that I cannot articulate, I can't let myself be okay with being naked in public.

Perhaps my actions this morning were a passive way of forcing my opinons on Lipman. But then I ask myself, "Well if Lipman doesn't have a problem with it, why the hell was he banging on the door so hard when a neighbor was coming?" But that's not really the point of the debate, I guess... because my intentions were purely of the playful sort when I held the door shut. I didn't want to embarass him, I didn't want him to feel awkward...... or did I?

Only now do I realize that perhaps I wanted Lipman to feel the same sort of awkwardness that I do about nudity.

That's pretty crappy. I'm feeling a little crappy.

If Lipman had been caught naked by a neighbor before, that would have been something that Lipman would have had to handle on his own. It really would have nothing to do with me and the only thing I might have gotten would have been, "That's the chick who lives with the guy that walks around naked."

I admit, that would be a little weird for me... which proves that I must have some hidden hang-ups with nudity.

But I'm not ashamed of my body. And I don't have hang ups about breasts or vaginas or pubic hair or pensises.

So why the hell do I have this weird hang-up about a non-hang-up?

Any feedback would be welcomed. E-mail me or sign the guestbook and I'll post replies here at as I collect them and shit.


From: Genie
I claim to have no hangups about nudity either. But I totally understand where you're coming from, whether it be rational or not. Like nakedness is a gift that you share with other people - not the entire complex. It probably would have been best had he and Lipman Jr. been spotted due to his own carelessness instead of your toe against the door, but I would have probably done the exact same thing. Hee hee.
From: Jonny
i think before i can offer any valid opinion i'm going to have to see you naked.

From: Craig
I have a hang-up about being naked but that's because I'm hung like a field mouse. A giant 40' field mouse. OOOH YAH!!!!!! In all seriousness, you're not alone in your hang-up. I attended many a party where, by the end of the evening, almost everybody was naked and I just couldn't bring myself to strip down. For myself, it's a combination of a conservative upbringing and being uncomfortable with my own body. I envy that Lipman is comfortable goinging outside to check the weather naked. Perhaps you and he could check the weather together naked? It'd be kinda weird to get caught and have to deal with interacting with these people because you live right next to them. Aren't you moving to that cute little house sometime soon? You can go outside and check the weather there with no fear - hell you could even swing on your little porch-swing naked.
From: Bill
there is acceptable naked and then there is out of context naked. lipman is wrong. challenge him to organize a giant apartment complex naked patio party. if a lot of people go, then maybe you should rethink your position. otherwise, you're right.
From: Kath
Of course there's a whole big difference between lettin' it all hang out when you're alone or with the consenting partner, and getting caught in public with the skivvies off -- and lipman knew that or he wouldn't've been banging on the door, eh? You just furthered his journey of self-awareness LOL. Oh, and Craig, I have never been to a party where anybody ended up with their clothes off. What am I doing wrong?
From: Marn eh
We live in a very isolated place and so I also "Lipman" the weather from time to time. I love to skinnydip in our pond, too. Would I do any of it if I lived in an apartment complex? Oh Cripes, NO! There's a difference between exhibitionism and being comfortable with your fine nude self, m'lady.
From: Nils

I just wish Lipman would try the same stunt here in Sweden as he does in Texas. The cold would make Jr. shrink into a raisin and he'd be too embarrassed to ever even think about going out nude again. (Trust me, it's a guy thing) Aaanyhow, nudity is beautiful. Let him schwing his schlong as much as he wants, I say!
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