12% BEER
This is not the lice I know and love!!! Where's my comfortable lice gone to?
  You know what's one thing I've learned in my time here on the planet known as Mother Earth?

It's that it's impossible not to have crushes on other people while you're in a commited relationship.

I used to think that, once you fell madly, deeply in love there would be some sort of mechanism in your brain that would trip and halt any sort of feelings of crushdom.

Brain: He has nice eyes.

Mechanism: You're in a commited relationship and are completely head over heels in love with the person that you've been sleeping with for the last two years.

Brain: His eyes remind me of fetal alcohol syndrome.

Mechanism: Aversion complete. Well done, brain.

Brain: More broccoli, please.

What I've learned is that this mechanism does not actually exist.

Mechanism: I don't?

No, no it does not. It's only a myth. A big fat ol' myth.

Mechanism: I'm not fat.

What I've come to find out about myself is that when I think that I have a crush on a person, it's only a reflection of some sort of characteristic of my loved one that is displayed in another human being. Sometimes it's a tad confusing.

General Male Type: Sometimes when I fall asleep I hold a pillow over my eyes and it makes me feel like I'm in a squishy cave.

Brain: We like it when someone says squishy and cave at the sametime. It automatically makes me want to make out with the lips that said such a thing.

Other Part of Brain: It's because Lipman said that once and made your toes curl.

Brain: Oh, we love Lipman. I wish he was here right now. Sigh.

And then the moment is quelled. Squashed. Gone 4eva.

It has taken sometime for my brain to grow to fruition the other part that digs into its files to find the reason for said crushing. (Diagram that sentence for extra credit.)

I think that it may be a sign that I might be maturing.

But it's still a minor struggle. Because, lets face it, I'm a human being. Human beings evolved from monkeys. Monkeys are known for getting their freak on.

Aren't they?

Let's pretend they are for the sake of this late night entry.

Sometimes, I'll look at a male monkey's back and think to myself, "Damn. I'd love to pick the lice off of that silver back."

It's the primate in me. Yes, I know how to use tools now and can get ants out of a hill with a stick I made on my own, but there's still that primal instinct.

And let's say I did actually follow through on such an instinct (not that I have or ever will), once I did I think that I would find that the lice on that silver gorilla's back would lack significantly to my own chosen Alpha Male.


I dunno.

Bottom line:

* I get crushes.

* I don't follow through on said crushes.

* I love the lice that I know intimately and would never want to pick the lice of some gorilla I don't know as well as it would make me feel uncomfortable in the end.

And this makes me feel better about myself.

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Copyright 2001, 2002, 2003, 2004 L.Leroy