12% BEER
Check out my boyfriend's band. They're all hot and stuff.
  Side Note:This entire entry should be read in your mind with a stilted valley girl flair. Feel free to throw in a hair toss here and there for added affect. Gagging self with spoon not recommended, unless it is part of your weight loss routine.

I have a boyfriend.

He is in a band.

If you go to their website, you can like, look at their pictures. Or like, download their songs. Or like, sign their guestbook.

But you know what? Just because you go to their website doesn't mean that you know them.

Cause you don't.

Unless you do, in which case my entire point about you not knowing them is moot.

I know The Handsome Charlies.


Sometimes. I'll just be standing there in the club and I'll be listening to their music and I'll be jumping up and down really fast to their song "'81" or "Makes Me love You" or some other song that goes really fast and I'll get a cramp in my side from dancing so hard.

And it hurts. Real bad.

But do I stop?

Fuck no.

I keep on mother fucking dancing. Because that's what you do. You tell that pain "Fuck you pain! I'm going to dance dance dance!" and you mimmick the guitar player and do windmills on your own guitar made of air.

What if I didn't dance? What if I just sat in the back and sipped on a beer, wet paper towels in my ears to protect the fine silica on my tubes of listening... not dancing, just bobbing my head to the music? You know what would happen?

My life would be empty. So very empty.


And I can't have that because and empty life means that you're and empty person and I am so not empty. I'm filled.

The guys in my boyfriend's band.... they're so totally hot. And what's really weird is that they're really really nice too. Because ususally you'll see a hot guy and you'll be all like "Wow. I'm going to go talk to that hot guy" and then you do and then all of a sudden he's like, telling you that you're fat or whatever and make you cry.

My boyfriend's hot band will never tell you that you're fat. Ever.

Instead. They'll be all like, "We're not hot." and then you'll think they're hotter because being humble is hot.


So anyway. I'm going to go see my boyfriends band tonight. They're going to play at this club and be all good and stuff.

And I'm going to be there and enjoy myself and do things like yell "Whooooooooooo." at the end of songs.

Maybe I'll even do it during a song. You know. Like if it moves me or whatever.


If you go see my boyrfriend's website, will you sign his guestbook? Because then he'll feel all cool and I won't have to keep writing fake entries in it to make him feel good.


You are my best friend. Totally.

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Copyright 2001, 2002, 2003, 2004 L.Leroy