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I have created the ultimate mix CD for one to dork out to.

"Dork Out To" can be applied to many situations: sitting around in a living room with a bunch of your equally dorky friends either drinking or partaking of some sort of illegal substances, to use while sitting in very slow moving traffic, roller skating rink parties, and moments where your internal dork wants to try out it's dancing chops.

Ah yeah.

Here's the line up:

1) Give It To Me Baby by Rick James. This song is included purely for the line "Coming home intoxicaaaaaated."

2) Sweet Emotion by Aerosmith. Everyone looks dorky while singing the words "Sweet Emotion." Eyes squeezed shut, chins to the sky, arms cocked and squeezed to the side as you try to squeeze the sweet emotion out of your lung cavity. Or maybe that's just me.

3) You're My First, My Last, My everything by Barry White. Alley Mc Beal ruined this song for me. I'm trying to rekindle the love affair we once had....

4) Tighten Up by Archie and the Dells. Included purely because of the intro and the time Archie says "Come on bass, tighten that up." What the fuck is Archie doing? Basses don't talk. He's crazzzzzzzzzeee.

5) God Damn Right It's a Beautiful Day by The Eels. Because it is a damn beautiful day. Yeah.

6) Army by Ben Folds Five. "Grew a mustache and a mullet.. got a job at Chic Fil' A." Any song that includes an ad for Chic Fil' A is a song that belongs on my CD.

7) Green Onions by Er.. that guy with that band. This is the first song I ever requested on the radio. The DJ made fun of me because I didn't know the title of the song and tried to hum the lyrics. But there aren't any lyrics. My first mass public dork moment.

9) Unsent by Alanis Morsette. She used to be on You Can't Do That On Television. Now she's a super pop star. Dork made good sings about boys. So dorky.

10) What's New Pussy Cat by Tom Jones. Tom Jones tries to be cool, but the last line is "You and your pussy cat nose." And he holds the 'nose' note for a bit too long. What a dork. I also like to sing "Whoa Whoa Whoa Whoa" in a high pitched voice-- another reason this song is included.

11) I'm Too Sexy by Right Said Fred. Come on. Let me just put it on my CD. Why you got to be all judging me like that? You don't KNOW ME.

12) Big Shot by Billy Joel Oh Billy Joel. We all know this song is really about you and how you had to be a big shot, dinja? That's okay. We've all had those dinja moments. It's okay. I'm including this song on my dork CD because it reminds me that, although I sometimes think I'm a Big Shot, I'm just a dorky gal who put a Billy Joel song on a mix CD after Right Said Fred.

13) Brimful of Asha by Cornershop. I was actually trying to find Cornershop's new album online to steal for my own use. It wasn't there. So I got this one instead. There's really no significant reason for it being here other than is says "Boosum for a pillow." My immautre 14 year old side really thinks that's funny.

14) We Will Rock You by Queen. No dork CD is complete without a Queen song. Admit it. You all have a mix CD somewhere with a Queen song on it. A mix CD just is not complete without it.

15) Major Tom by David Bowie. My first celebrity crush was David Bowie when he was in Labrynth. So fine. Those tights where so, eh, tight. Later it was pointed out that he looked like a woman with a tube sock inserted in all the right places. I agreed, but still asserted that he was fucking fine. Dork.

16) Virtual Insanity by Jamaraqui OH MY GOD! HOW DOES HE DANCE LIKE THAT IN THE VIDEO??? IT'S LIKE HE'S WALKING AND DANCING... BUT HE'S WALKING AND DANCING IN PLACE??? OH MY GOD! (I also included this on here because of that mini-moment when Jamaraqui kind of runs into the moving couch while he's doing his smooth moves. He recovered, but man. That was his dork moment caught on tape. Revel in it you smooth bastard.)

17) Fools In Love by Joe Jackson. Fools in love are dorks. Joe Jackson is a dork, but a really cool one. It belonged here.

18) Green Tamborine by the Pipers. Tamborines are cool. Green tamborines? Dorky. Love it.

19) Me and Little Andy by Dolly Parton. Listen to me people. If I can expose you to any song that could be used to define the term "horrific piece of music that should have never been recorded," it would be this song. Do yourself a favor, download it and listen to it. While listening, remind yourself that the person that is singing it is DOLLY. I'm not going to go any further because I don't want to ruin the surprise. DOWNLOAD THIS SONG NOW. BUT FOR THE LOVE OF DOLLY AND ALL THAT IS RIGHT AND PURE- DO NOT PURCHASE IT.

20) Buick City Complex by The Old 97s. This song is included because I have nothing but complete lust for the lead singer. When he and his mate Murray were performing in their duo group, they sang this song as a preview for the upcoming album. Rhett, the lead singer was saying something about Texas and how he loved Texas and playing at Stubb's Bar-B-Que. That's when I shouted with complete dedication "BAR-B-Q! WHOOOOOOOOO!" in Rhett's general direction. The crowd broke out into guffaws. Rhett stopped his diatribe and said, "I- I- I love the girl who just shouted BAR-B-Q." Yeah. He loves me. Me, the dork that shouted BAR-B-Q. Wanna touch me? Too bad.

And that's it. The "Songs To Dork Out To" mix. Make your own. Distribute to your friends. Let others judge you on your lack of musical taste as well as your ability to not remember actual song titles or how to spell musician's names.

Let them know that you're a dork. A dork that listens to music.


The entire time I was writing this entry, I was looking at Genghis-Jon's banner. Let's give him a fucking shout out, shall we?

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