12% BEER
An Entry By Ladee Leroy's Brain

You and I have not been properly introduced.

I am LadeeLeroy's brain.

Nice to meet you as well.

LadeeLeroy asked me to write today's entry. At first, I was flattered. But then, when she explained that I was the reason that updating has not occured for the last 12 days, I became flustered.

"What do you expect from me?," I asked.

"MORE!," she said with a snarl on her face. "MORE OF THE FUNNY FUNNY BRAIN."

"But- you can't possibly expect me to be a funny brain all of the time. I have other responsibilities, too. Like remembering to make your heart beat and storing important facts like 'don't eat knives.'"

"Listen to me, brain. I've got alot of stuff on my plate right now. I've got the show opening tomorrow. I've got my last day of work happening today. I have priorities right now. You need to pick up some of the slack around here!"

I was going to bring up the fact that I'm the one who's making all of these things possible, but she walked away in a huff. How she was actually able to walk away without me helping her is something I'll have to ask my union rep about, but first things first.

An update. A funny update.

Come on, Brain. You can do it.

Okay okay okay--- how about this:

Wouldn't it suck to live in a canyon? Especially if your next door neighbor had a yappy dog. Because then instead of it being one dog barking, it'd be a bunch of dogs barking... due to the echo effect and all.

That wasn't very good. Dammit. What kind of brain am I? I should be able to do this no problem. There's tons of other brains out there that make the funny funny and they're only working on about 3%. I've got 4.5% rolling up in here. This shouldn't be a problem.

Hmmmmmm. Going blue has always been a crowd pleaser:

Fucking shit. There's this damn shit stuff and fuck me if I know what the ass I'm supposed to poop with. Pissing me off, that fucking shit. Vagina. Penis. Midgets. Damndiggity.

Any takers on that one? Any?


I see. You're more of an intellectual crowd. Sipping tea and eating biscuits and what not. Let me see if I can take this humor up to your level:

So I was reading National Geographic the other day and was amazed to see that an article had been written about the Hagolonian tribe. Apparently, it seems that this entire time archeologists had thought that the Hagolonians were responsible for domesticating the sheep. But, after finding evidence that their neighboring tribe, the Mercahderites were in fact responsible for sheep domestication, archeologists have written the Hagolonians off as only mere hunters and fur traders. I was so baffled by this finding that I literally had a knee jerk reaction that caused my Ethan Allen 18th century Southern style French coffee table to become scuffed. But that's okay. I'll just buy another one.

Rim shot anyone? Rim sho-

No. Hm. Okay. Well how about this little story, huh? Maybe this one will perk you up. Give you your dose of LadeeLeroy HaHa:

Once there was this brain. And the brain couldn't think of anything funny to say. Because the brain had a shit load of stuff inside of it. 68 pages of text memorized. 142 things to worry about. 5 supressed memories. And then, one day someone said, "Hey brain. Write something funny. Don't disappoint the people because there might be some one out there that's never even heard of LadeeLeroy and then they'll just run upon her one day and you have to impress them in one single instance. If you don't, then LadeeLeroy, the journal and the person, will be a failure in that person's eyes." And the brain didn't want LadeeLeroy to be a failure. The brain wanted people to like LadeeLeroy and think she was funny and want to read more and laugh out loud or cry or whatever. The brain tried and tried, but nothing worked, nothing. So the brain said, "FORGET ALL THIS" and didn't write an official entry. Instead, the brain just wrote something that made it appear like there was an entry, but in fact, there wasn't one. It was just a scam -- a scam to update the journal and everyone knew it was a scam. But the brain didn't care. The brain said, "I DON'T CARE." And the people gasped because the brain is always supposed to care. But this brain couldn't care any more because it was tired. It was so tired that it couldn't even think of a way to end the scam entry. So it just kept typing and typing and typing and hopefully sooner or later something will come into the brain that will make a nice little ending but nothing is coming but the brain can't leave an entry all unfinished and without a proper conclusion can it? No it can't! The brain must think of something anything to end with-



LadeeLeroy's Brain

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Copyright 2001, 2002, 2003, 2004 L.Leroy