12% BEER
2nd Week of Unemployment

2nd Week of Unemployment: Well hello there LadeeLeroy.

LadeeLeroy: Hey 2nd Week of Unemployment.

Unemployment: How am I treating you?

LadeeLeroy: Not too shabby. Not too shabby at all.

Unemployment: That's nice to know. So, what have you done today?

LadeeLeroy: Well. Um. Lets see. Um. I put on this shirt. It's clean.

Unemployment: It is clean. Way to go. You're really doing great.

LadeeLeroy: Thanks. Um. I also ate this entire bag of Bagel Crisps.

Unemployment: Awesome. You're very productive. You're going to be just fine.

Cable Television: Hey. Don't forget about me!

LadeeLeroy: Oh, yeah. Me and cable television have been having some good times.

Cable Television: Tell that story. Tell that story of what just happened.

LadeeLeroy: What story?

Cable Television: When we were hanging out and then you fell asleep and then rolled ontop of my buddy Remote and the volume went up and you woke up and were like, "What?!?!" Damn. That was hilarious.

LadeeLeroy: Oh yeah. I was like "What!?!" Because it was so loud, you know.

Unemployment: Wow. That is f'ing hilarious. You just rolled over on it?

LadeeLeroy: I totally just rolled over on it.

Cable Television: She like, rolled over on it and was like "What?!?!"

LadeeLeroy: Totally. Just like "What?!?!"

Unemployment: Wow. You're really having some adventures.

LadeeLeroy: I sure am. Unemployment is great!

Job Applications: Um. Pardon me. Um. Not to interupt the great times you seem to be having here, what with that incredible story of rolling on the remote... but you see, er, I'm not going to fill myself out on my own.

LadeeLeroy: Oh. It's you.

Job Applications: Yes. I know that you thought I wouldn't be able to escape that drawer you hid me away in, what with my lack of opposable thumbs and what not, but.. well. I did. Simple as that.

LadeeLeroy: I- I- um. Well you see Job Applications, it's like this- I was going to fill you out today but I was still pretty shaken up from that remote situation and thought that it would be best if I just took it easy so that tomorrow-

Job Applications: LIES! LIES! ALL LIES! Don't give me this 'tomorrow' business. You can't neglect me! YOU CAN'T JUST ABANDON ME LIKE YOU ABANDONED RESUME' AND COVER LETTER. Do you know how they weep at night? They weep. They weep giant tears because you're not multi-tasking, you're not living up to your statment of being a person who is 'incredibly self-motivated,' and I am ashamed- ASHAMED- to have your social security number written all over me. It's like beining bathed in diluted arsenic--- it burns but it doesn't kill.

LadeeLeroy: Do you like my shirt? It's clean.

Job Applications: I don't like anything about you right now. You disgust me. Now pardon me as I stomp off in a huffy manner and remain unfilled out.

Job Applications stomp away and comfort that abandoned Cover Letter and Resume'.

LadeeLeroy: Wow. I feel pretty bad about myself right now.

Unemployment: Oh, forget about Job Applications. You're with me right now. This is OUR time. Come on, baby, we've only been seeing each other for a litte over a week. This is still our courtship phase. Lets make the best of it before our relationship become stale and incredibly predictable.

Cable Television: And look! Look at what I got for you! 3 hours worth of television. You can cry at A Wedding Story and A Baby Story. I'll make you feel useful and productive by letting you flip back and forth between Discovery and the History Channel. It'll be fun.

Couch: And I'm as soft and comfy as ever. Come on, lets snuggle.

LadeeLeroy: Okay. But tomorrow, I need to spend sometime with Job Applications. I don't want them to feel rejected.

Unemployment: Of course you don't. Because you're a good person. A very very good person with a clean shirt.

LadeeLeroy: That's right. I am. Now, enough of this fantasy conversation, A Baby Story is on.





My brain is turning to moosh.

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Copyright 2001, 2002, 2003, 2004 L.Leroy