12% BEER
Questions I've Already Had This Morning.
  • Why does the old person day care down stairs always smell like peas? Are old people made out of peas?
  • How come my boss considers her giraffe themed suit 'business casual' but considers my 1974 vintage terry-cloth shirt 'not appropriate for the work place'? When did giraffes become part of the professional look?
  • Why did I lick off the excess amount of Blistex I applied to my lips this morning? Did I not realize that the taste of Blistex would remain in my mouth for the next hour, causing your tongue to taste like a big piece of wood?
  • Do other people ever think that their tongues taste like a big piece of wood?
  • Why did I cry so much watching The Iron Giant last night? Do I have hidden dark childhood secrets involving a large robot and nuclear holocaust? Why have I blocked these memories out?
  • When was the last time I took a shower? Was it yesterday? Dear God! Have I not showered since Wednesday? Why can't I remember when I last took a shower?
  • Does Lipman still think I'm a sexy beast even after I accidentally gave myself a hair cut that makes me look like Anthony Michael Hall?
  • Did the person in the office next to me just hear me sneeze and say, "Get Over It?" Was she being sarcastic? Am I going to have to kick some major ass?
  • Is it only 9:30AM? Can an hour pass any slower than it already has?
  • What if God was one of us? Do you think he'd really talk on the phone to the Pope? Can lyrics to a song get any crappier than that?

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Copyright 2001, 2002, 2003, 2004 L.Leroy