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Stupid Things That Tell You That You're In Love And, Thus, Vulnerable
  #1 You get jealous. Even if you consider yourself to not be a jealous person- even if you're one of those chicks that love it when your boy toy has lots of girl friends- even if you are one of those people that says that all women are sisters- the minute you fall in love, all of that open freeness disappears and you notice when your lovely makes direct eye-contact with other females. "Hm.", you think to yourself, "I think that my loved one is making too much eye contact with that female. I bet he's thinking about spending the rest of his life with her. I bet he's already figured out what their song is going to be and what color Dodge Spirits they'll get and how many children they have. I have to stop this! I must!" And that's when you make a noise that sounds like a combination of a sigh and a cough and a scream and the word "bitch.""Bruuuuuuuaggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhuhhhbitch." And once the eye contact has been sucessfully broken and your loved one looks at you- wondering if you need to get a finger sweep or just hugged you say, non-chalantly, "Well, she was cute, huh?" when, in fact you want to say, "Please tell me that you think I'm more beautiful than her and that you think I have nice tits.. better than hers."

#2 You get territorial about your space. It's a sure fire sign that you're in love when you cannot stand to be away from your loved one for an extended amount of time, yet at the sametime you cannot stand another moment together. "Are you going to hang up that towel?," the loved one will ask. "No.." you answer. "Well, I'll hang it up for you.," he'll reply. "Leave the towel right where it is. I like the towel there." you'll respond. "But it's half way in the toilet," he'll answer. "I like my towels to be bedraggled with toilet water... leave it there Mr. Anal." you'll say without looking away from a re-run of Third Rock From The Sun. Then the loved one will take one of those deep breaths and say that he is going to go to the local jazz club and hang out. This is when.....

#3 Your Abandoment Issues Kick In. Oh, shit. There is a possibility that, as amazing and as kick ass as you are, that some people will just not want to spend their lives with you- no matter what they say... and Oh, shit! again... they could actually leave you. Alone. In the cold. By yourself. With a snotty nose and no kleenex. Without anyone around. And, yes, you can handle it. And, yes, you are a strong, independent woman and you don't need a man around to take care of you because you are perfectly capable of taking care of yourself... but it sure is nice when someone falls asleep next to you, their arm flung over your waist, breathing sweetly in your ear. Then your deeply rooted issues from childhood start to rear their ugly heads and you retreat to a hot bath with bubbles. "Fine. Go to the club. Have a good time. I'm going to sit here by myself and wallow and feel sorry for myself while you go to your Jazz club and have fun without me." This is when your loved one will say, "Come along with me, ba-abe." And you say, "No. I'm just going to stay here and have a good time by myself." Then the loved one will give you a kiss on your forehead, tell you that you are beautiful, but thinks that, "You need to be alone for a bit to get over your mood." "I'm not in a mood!," you reply quite moodily. Then your loved one leaves, saying, "I love you, Hunbee. I'll see you in a little while." And he locks you in so that no one can come in and kidnap you while he's away. You get out of the tub only moments later, wishing that you had a towel that was dry and not bedraggled in grotesque toilet water. And you kind of tear up because you have to admit to yourself that you are in a mood and are scared of this entire love thing, but at the sametime don't want to imagine life without it.

#4 You Realize That You Are Capable of Being A Bitch- But This Is Only A Defense Mechanism. You sit on the couch, wrapped in a damp towel, reach for your faithful dug out and put M*A*S*H on mute. And you sit. And you think. And you realize that, dammit, you're sometimes a complete and total bitch. And that you need to realize that all of this anger and frustration and fear is not coming from your loved one, it's coming from you and you're just taking it out on your loved one... and damn, you are a fucking fine bitch and you don't need no man telling you because this is fact. Especially your tits. They're really nice. You say to yourself, "Self. Here's the deal. We're in love. We've been here before and we both know how it turned out- pretty much good except you had some of these same issues going on. We need to answer the following: Why are you stressing out over something that is so easy? Why are you going against the ol' flow that has treated you so greatly? Why have you been walking around with such a tight ass lately? What are you so fucking tense about?" And you'll sit there, mulling these issues over in your head- some conclusions will be made- some will have to be made later..... and you fall into a deep couch sleep.

#6 You'll Allow Someone To Take Care Of You While Knowing All Along That You Are Capable of Taking Care of Yourself. Your loved one will finally come home. You won't really wake up, but your sleeping brain kind of sits up a bit. Then your loved one comes over to the couch and will pick your damp ass up and start to carry you through the living room. By this point, you are totally awake- but are faking being asleep because when you're naked, cold, and damp, there is no better feeling than having someone cradle you in their arms... carrying you to bed. In your half asleep voice you'll say something like, "Babe. I really do love you. No matter what. I do." And he'll say something like, "I know. I can feel it. I love you, too." Then you'll feel sheets and blankets being tucked under your chin... and finally an arm that is not yours will slip its way around your waist. And you'll fall into a fearless, comfortable, loving sleep.

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Copyright 2001, 2002, 2003, 2004 L.Leroy