12% BEER
I Like Being God. Or Maybe That's Just My Control Issues Kicking In.
  Last night, I accidentally set my three friends on fire. Princess died. Cross soon followed. Esquire burned to a horrible crisp because he decided to run instead of follow the trusty "Stop, Drop, And Roll" method that was pounded into his head since childhood.

"What do you do when you're on fire, Esquire?"

"Scream, Run, and Die!"

"No, Esquire. It's Stop, Drop, and Roll."

"Phht. Like that'll do it."

But I wasn't upset that my three closest guy friends expired. I had other friends I had to tend to. Like helping Wakey choose an outfit and deciding if Newmany was more Playful than he was Nice.

Later on, Wakey and Newman got arrested for fighting in the street because Newman ended up turning to a life of crime. I take pure responsibility for that, too. I'm guessing it's because his Nice rating was a little low.

I just got the computer game The Sims . If you're not familiar with the age-old classic game SimCity, then you might be in the dark a little.

This game, for those who are not familiar, should just be called You Are God. Because you are. You create the people. You build the land and the houses and the personality traits everyone has. I even think there's an option on there to make your mortals build you a church or synagogue. I'd like to see a church called "The First Church of Ladeeleroy" or a synagogue named "L'adeeleroy Zion."

Right now, I've created characters that are like all of my friends and I'm forcing them to live together. Unfortunately, I'm also responsible for giving them common sense like, "Don't put gasoline in the microwave." That's how my three friends perished the first time around.

This game is helping me alot with my control issues. I've recently become aware that, ohmygosh, sometimes I'm a little stubborn. It's gotten to the point that even I'm annoyed with myself in the car. Lipman will be driving, going to some place that we've been to dozens of times before. The boy is smart. He knows how to get there. But what do I do? I consistently point my boney finger in the direction that we need to be turning. I'll interupt the conversation with quick phrases like, "It's up here on the right" or "You might wanna slow down because we're coming up on it."

I'm one of "those people". I hate "those people".And, if you're good at algebra that phrase can be reduced to "I hate me."

It drives Lipman nuts. It drives me nuts. But I CAN'T STOP DOING IT.

So this game is giving me the chance to force my closest friends to do things that I want them to do. Like give me backrubs or flirt with one another. Or, you know, set fire to one another for no apparent reason.

Last night Newman and Princess kissed.

I had no idea that they were even interested in each other, but, apparently, they are.


So anyway. I'm having a blast being God. Being God is cool. Being God is even cooler when you get to eat Cheese&Macaroni while managing your creation.

If The Bible had a verse that said, "And God said 'Let there be light and creamy cheese sauce for all!' and it was so." I probably would have read it more often.

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Copyright 2001, 2002, 2003, 2004 L.Leroy