12% BEER
Sticks and Stones Can Be Romantic
  Scene: Night time. Dark Austin night. Front lawn of Ladeeleroy's lover's house.

Number of beers consumed: 4 Dos XXs.

Time: 1:15AM

Number of hours Ladeeleroy has been away from Lipman: 8

Romantic Ladeeleroy: This is so great! Look at the stars! I must find some rocks.

Regular Ladeeleroy: You look ridiculous! What are you doing? Do you realize that you have to go to work at 8AM! Get in your car and drive home now!

Romantic Ladeeleroy: Oh! Lipman! Lipman! I'm going to throw rocks at your window and awaken you and tell you I love you!

Regular Ladeeleroy: This is so stupid. Get the fuck in the car. Oh shit! I think his parents are awake! Don't piss off his parents!

Romantic Ladeeleroy: Shut up! His parents aren't awake! They just fall asleep watching television. Don't be so paranoid.

Regular Ladeeleroy: I'm not being paranoid. I'm just trying to look out for us. Shit. What kind of impression would it give if you fucking woke up his parents at 1AM in the morning, with no shoes on, a cigarette hanging out of your mouth, stumbling around their yard trying to find things to throw at their second story window.

Romantic Ladeeleroy: Shut up shut up shut up. Quit bitching and help me find pebbles. Oh! Do you think this leaf will work? If I throw it hard enough maybe it'll flutter against the window a couple times thus making the sound of little fairy knuckles rapping against the frame.

Regular Ladeeleroy: Oh. You're gone. I don't even know who you are anymore. What have you become? I never thought in our existence that you'd use the phras "little fairy knuckles rapping." This is ... is.... just.... too mushy.

Romantic Ladeeleroy: Too mushy is a good thing. How often have we gotten to be mushy?


Regular Ladeeleroy: There's a pebble right there.

Romantic Ladeeleroy: Oh! Oh! Oh! Grab it! Grab it!

Regular Ladeeleroy: *sigh* Are you sure that's his window?

Romantic Ladeeleroy: Yep! Just chunk it at the top there and he'll awaken from his slumber and race down the stairs and take you in his arms-

Regular Ladeeleroy: Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah. Shut up and let me throw the fucking pebble.

Romantic Ladeeleroy: I would do it but- you know-

Regular Ladeeleroy: You throw like a sissy.

Romantic Ladeeleroy: A loving sissy.

Regular Ladeeleroy: Same difference.

The rock is thrown. Hard. It crashes against the window pane, much louder than both Ladeeleroys expected. Paranoid, they jump behind a tree and recollects her thoughts.

Romantic Ladeeleroy: Fuck dude. That was so fucking loud!

Regular Ladeeleroy: No shit.

Romantic Ladeeleroy: Fuck. Did it wake him up?

Regular Ladeeleroy: Beats the shit outta me. You look.

Romantic Ladeeleroy: No, you.

Regular Ladeeleroy: Don't be such a pussy. Just look.

Romantic Ladeeleroy: Hey- I'm supposed to be the sissy in this situation. You fucking look.

Regular Ladeeleroy: Allrightallrightallright.


Regular Ladeeleroy: Nothing.

Romantic Ladeeleroy: Damn. Sound sleeper.

Regular Ladeeleroy: Oh shit! His neighbors woke up!

Romantic Ladeeleroy: Shut the hell up! You're just trying to freak me out.

Regular Ladeeleroy: No no no no shit. They're looking through their blinds... look.

Romantic Ladeeleroy: Fuck! RUN!

Regular Ladeeleroy: Help me! You control that half!

Romantic Ladeeleroy: Oh shit! I forgot.. I'm still getting used to this side of the body. It's so big!

Regular Ladeeleroy: Quit your complaining. I didn't ask for a new roommate, I was forced.

Romantic Ladeeleroy: Oh shut up. You like having me around.

Regular Ladeeleroy: Only because it gives me a break.

Romantic Ladeeleroy: And because it makes you happy. Admit it.

Regular Ladeeleroy: ..............

Romantic Ladeeleroy: Admit it. You do.

Regular Ladeeleroy: .......I.....

Romantic Ladeeleroy: Say it.

Regular Ladeeleroy: I... I... I..

Romantic Ladeeleroy: Mmmmmmmmmmmmyesssssssss?

Regular Ladeeleroy: I'M FUCKING HAPPY YOU'RE HERE! OKAY!?! I HAVEN'T BEEN HAPPIER! ALL RIGHT! Now can we please get our ass in gear and run to the fucking car?!? I need another cigarette.

Romantic Ladeeleroy: You're so cute when you're flushed.

Regular Ladeeleroy: Shut up. Take me to Wendy's.

Romantic Ladeeleroy: Only if you promise to get me a frosty.

Regular Ladeeleroy: Shhhhhhhhhhhit. Okay. Let's just go.

Romantic Ladeeleroy: Should we leave him a note?

Regular Ladeeleroy: No. We'll just tell him about it in our dreams.

Romantic Ladeeleroy: Can my side of the subconscience bring the little fairy knuckles? They're soooooo cute! Pleeeeease?


Regular Ladeeleroy: *sigh* yes.

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Copyright 2001, 2002, 2003, 2004 L.Leroy