12% BEER
Ace of Bass or Ace of Ass?
  An Ode to Ace Of Bass:

I saw the sign. It opened up my eyes. I saw the sign.

All that she wants Is to know that you're going to be hers.


All that she wants Is for you to say you want to stay hers.


So you say that you got some stuff to Resolve.

Use my bottle of it- it's excellent at removing stains. Make sure to use circular motions as using the back-and-forth technique isn't really working.

You've got a ticket on the Ladeeleroy train.

Bring all the baggage you need.

But make sure you check it at the gate.

Only two carry-ons will be accepted on board.

I saw the sign. It's a really big one.

How could I have not seen it before?

Maybe it's these damn sunglasses.

You've ordered the LuAnne Platter. That comes with one Ladeeleroy entree. Just one entree. You will not be allowed to have more than one. You may have two small side orders, but I highly recommend that you only choose portions that compliment the taste of the fabulous piece of meat you've already eyed.

If you order another entree, your Ladeeleroy portion will be taken away. It's tasty, it's good, it melts in your mouth and in your hand. You've already had a sample. I know you like it. Why the hell would you want to even look at the California Roll over there?


You've sampled the California Roll. You don't mind the taste? You like the side of wasubi that came along with it?


You know that you have to eat Rolls with sticks, don't you? You know that eating with sticks makes you a poser, Mr. Irish Man. Also, I'll put it in your ear that the California Roll is loaded with MSGs. Do you know what that stands for? Millions of Salty Grains. Salt is a great spice, but you know what? Everyone likes salt. Be original. Try some Lemon Pepper.


I saw the sign.

It opened up my mind. I saw the sign.

So here's the deal we're offering today:

A. The LuAnne Ladeeleroy Plate Special: This fabulous entree includes a one-way ticket on the Ladeeleroy express. (Please see details about baggage information above.) While on this ride, you will be served many delicious experiences as well as some surprises that you can't possibly imagine. If so, you wouldn't even be eyeing that California Roll. You'll also notice the fine interior that the Ladeeleroy Express has. It's soft, it's firm, it's incredibly deep, it'll cushion every bump or hump that may be encountered on the ride. Let's also not ignore the fine as wine and more than half as intoxicating exterior that the Ladeeleroy Express has. Sure, we know that Ace of Bass doesn't judge a deal exclusively on the materialistic matters, but lets be human here, shall we? That exterior is just as fucking sweet as the interior. And oh, what a locomotion it has. Act now, fucker!

B. A Dixie Cup of Water And A Cruton: Now why the hell would you even consider option B? Sure, everyone thinks crutons are great. Sure, the Dixie Cup of water has some cute characteristics. But let me tell you dear Mr. Ace of Bass, if you pass up Deal A, there's no option to return. Deal A is a limited time offer and will expire in a very short amount of time.

It's time to fucking be a man and order what you want.

And hurry it up. There's other people in line and I only have a couple of boarding passes on my waiting list.


Get All Notified:

I know you were here.
Copyright 2001, 2002, 2003, 2004 L.Leroy