12% BEER
Robots VS. Unicorns

Newmany, Ladeeleroy, & Princess.

You know what? I get along really well with guys. My closest friends are all of the penis persuasion and I have to admit, I love it.

Do not get me wrong. Females rock. Women are the bomb. They smell bad because they are the mega shit.

But I don't hang out with girls. I just don't. I have one (1) girlfriend that I just love to death. She is my best girlfriend. She's there when I have the urge to talk about periods, raw nipples, sex, or the boys that both of us have in our lives.

But when compared to my list of very close guy friends, having one girl as a best friend compared to 6 guys that also fall into the friend category of "best" well.... that kind of ratio doesn't really give the female persuasion an excellent statistic.

I was thinking about this the other night when I suddenly realized that I was the only female in a room of 15 guys.

"Holy shit,"I said to myself, "I'm the only vagina in the room."

I then proceeded to take another shot of Jack while continuing a conversation on why the Robots would totally kick the Unicorn's asses if a war were to break out between these two parties.

Later on in the evening, or perhaps it was the next day, I mentioned to Princess, my incredibly wonderful best guy friend how it was weird that I didn't have very many girlfriends.

Princess replied, "Well, Ladeeleroy, you have to understand that you don't exactly fit into the category of 'girl.'"

I told him that I definitly was a girl.

"Yeah, okay, you're female. But you're not a girl, you're a chick. You'll notice that our gang doesn't really associate with many girls. It's mainly you and Wakey (that's the Best Girl Friend Girl) because, well, girls are fucking crazy."

The conversation continued on, both of us making excellent points. I then returned home to ponder the conversation and here's what I realized.

Alot of females are kind of frightened of guys. When you reach the age of 9 years old, you tend to steer away from pursuing friendships of the opposite gender. Why? Well because it's the first time that you realize that it's the deadly combination of girl + boy that = baby, marriage, divorece, etc. In our small immature minds, that kind of realization is incredibly frightening because, fuck, you're only nine and that lemonade stand you started just won't pay the billz you'd need to support the consequences of girl + boy.

But in high school, your hormones are raging and the equation of boy + girl causes sweaty palms, aching stomachs, and horniness. The kind of horny where you'll get in you car with your other female friends and cruise the hang outs for the crushes of the month.

That is, unless, you understand from the beginning that boy + girl does not always have to conclude in sex.

I caught onto this pretty early. It was a bit by default because, a) I was funny and the girls in my high school were not. In fact, the majority of them were pretty lame and my humor seemed to be wasted on their skrunchee-wearing asses, b) because I was not a particularly beautiful gal in high school and the only way I could get attention from guys was through humor, wits, and intelligence, hence my need to hone these skills in order to avoid the lesbian rumors, c)once I did get the attention of guys, they would be intimidated by my brashness and my ability to not fall into the category of "another gal to hit on and pass up" due to the fact that I was actually a really good friend... female intuitiveness and sensitivity combined with the more masculine traits of being able to dish shit out and receive it without a bat of an eyelash.

Of course, this meant that I never had a date in high school Of course this meant that I would go to Sadie Hawkin dances with gay guys. Of course, this meant that I wasn't truly kissed until the age of 19. And even then, it was with a guy that knew the best pussy joke I'd ever heard. He was brave enough to cross that line of, "Wow, she's funny, smart, and at the sametime can chill with me on a friendly level."

But we have to make sacrafies to remain true to ourselves... wait I'm getting off track.

Robots would totally kick Unicorn ass.

No- here's what I guess I'm trying to say. I'm trying to say sorry to the females out there that I haven't established friendships with. I'm sorry that I get along easier with guys. I'm sorry that I am a bit sexist when it comes to establighing friendships. I'm so very sorry that I'm like this. I wish I could say that I will change today, but to be perfectly honest, I really don't want to. I love being "the chick" in the group of guys. I like being the kind of dykey gal in West Side Story that wants to be a Jet. I understand completely. Jets are cool. From your first cigarette until your last dying day.

This was a bit of a rambling entry. Apologies. To be perfectly honest, all of my creative energies were sucked away from doing data entry for the last four days with no internet access. I promise that later on this week I'll post something entertaining and Ladeeleroy worthy.

Also, I'd like to hear what you females out there think. Am I the only one that prefers the company of guys as friends rather than females? Is there a lack of really fun, entertaining, confident ladies out there that like to have fun and aren't thinking about their MRS. degree? Where do I find these said females? Why should I bother? I dunno, just opening it up for discussion. Yeah. Okay. I'm gonna go data entry some more.

PS. I have a tranvestite living in my apartment now. So that's one tranvestite, one Mulleted, Mexican Midget, and one Ladeeleroy in one complex. More on this later, as the story that goes along with this thought must marinate before being concieved.

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