12% BEER
Problem with the Alpha Male

You know what's weird?

When you get hit on by a guy that you thought was just a friend. But then he makes this very sexually loaded comment in front of other people in order to make sure that it is known that "Yes, I have complimented and in some way pissed on the territory that is known as Ladeeleroy. All other Alpha males are now challenged to also take a piss on her and we'll see how she reacts."

And you know, I don't mind getting hit on. I actually enjoy it- most of the time- when it's a good looking guy with somewhat pleasurable breath that's not wearing an ensemble from Gadzooks. But lately, I dunno.

Maybe it's because I haven't gotten hit on for like, the last 9 months and I'm not used to getting complimented/pissed on. I'm not used to having the breif moment of saying to myself, "Yeah, baby, you is some phiiiiiiiiiiine hot shiiiiiiiiiiiiit" while looking in the mirror after taking a shower. Maybe it's this new deodorant I'm using. Or maybe it's just because all the guys I've been hanging around lately all decided to become super horny at once and all of a sudden noticed that Ladeeleroy is a female, and what-do-you-know? she isn't really that bad looking of a gal.

"Nice gams Ladeeleroy."


"I said you've got some nice gams."

What the hell are gams?

"Legs. You've got some nice legs."

Oh. Thanks. Um. Gams. Yeah. Thanks. runs away

Next Day

Alpha Male #1: "Isn't Ladeeleroy a sexy beast?"

Alpha Male #2:"She is a beast that I find to be quite sexy."

Alpha Male #1: "I will go do my mating ritual dance and club her over the head and drag her back to my Isuzu."

Alpha Male #2:"I will go to Ladeeleroy and try to amuse her with some of my wit and jokery. While she is laughing I will club her over her head and drag her back to my Civic."

Alpha Male #1: "We shall see about that."

Alpha Males approach Ladeeleroy.

Ladeeleroy: Hiya guys. Word up?

Alpha Male #1: Hey there hot sexy thang.

Ladeeleroy: Uh. Hey. Heh.... heh.

Alpha Male #2: How much do you weigh Ladeeleroy?

Ladeeleroy: Um. 140... why?

Alpha Male #2: No reason. scribbles in notepad

Alpha Male #1: You're a hot sexy thang.

Ladeeleroy: We've already established that.

Alpha Male #1: Oh. Ahem. You're a sexy thang hot.

Ladeeleroy: You just said the samething only you reversed the words.

Alpha Male #1: No I didn't.

Ladeeleroy: Yes you did. You just mixed the words up a bit.

Alpha Male #1: I No didn't.

Alpha Male #2: What's your bra size?

Ladeeleroy: I'm a 36- heyyyyy why do you want to know?

Alpha Male #2: No reason. Just curious.

Ladeeleroy: No- really why did you want to know?

Alpha Male #2: (pulling out Ass Parade magazine) There's this special deal where you can order a life sized doll with custom made characteristics and I was going to use it to beat off-er-um- the evil spirits that fill my soul.

Ladeeleroy: You were making a life sized doll of me to beat off to?

Alpha Male #1: SHE'S ONTO US! CODE RED!

(Ladeeleroy gets pistol whipped with a Palm Pilot and is dragged off to an Isuzu/Civic- I dunno- I forget which.)

THE END........?

No, nothing that dramatic or even interesting. I'm just fascinated by the frequency that it's been occuring. This never happens to me. Ever. Ever. Ever.

Maybe it's these sunglasses. Maybe they've morphed me into She-Could-Be-A-Bull-Dyke-But-Damn-That-Shit-Can-Move gal while I was sleeping. Hm.

Or maybe it's the curse of the MIDGET.

I'm going to leave it at that because I can't come up with anyother logical explanation.

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Copyright 2001, 2002, 2003, 2004 L.Leroy