Well well well.
What an interesting weave this sweater of Life has begun.
Yes. It was passworded. Locked down. No access to anyone. Not even to you.
But now it is available. Willing. Here to hold you and cuddle you with its words and its adventures. To console in times of need. To buy you groceries when you don't feel like leaving your house.
Why was it gone?
Simple question. Easy answer, yet hard to type nonetheless.
I was fired.
Fired from the job. The job that had been mentioned time and again.
Terminated is the word that was used. Reason? The journal. The very journal that you sit and look at now giving your eyeballs excercise in agility.
It was updated on company time. It used company equipment for updates. Yes. I was aware and did it anyway.
Such a rebel.
Content was not even mentioned with the reasoning of said termination, but one can only suspect. I 'disappointed' and was not 'as smart as they thought.'
And I felt bad. I truly did. Because I'm not a mean-spirited person. I actually find myself to be more along the lines of decent, kind-hearted and 'nice in a not creepy fake sort of way.' I don't like the idea that people's feelings might have gotten hurt. People with feelings. People who I saw day in and day out and that I did enjoy being around.
Except for those moments when it felt like my skin was too small for my body and I couldn't stand to be inside four walls, in front of a computer, pretending to be something that I'm obviously not.
And it was in those moments when I turned here and vented, complained, whined, made snide remarks, etc. But that's what human nature does when the alternative is not as appealing. And that is what I did. Part of me regrets it.
But part of me knows that I may have subconsciously sabotaged myself. It wasn't my love, my main squeeze, my passion, that former job.
I know what my love, my main squeeze, my passion is. Now I have the opportunity to figure out how to make said passion my main focus and not have to be distracted with the sense of security a desk job provides.
Oh bittersweet Security. You and I have broken up on your terms. I understand that you may not want to talk to me for sometime, but I hope that we can be friends some day.
Adieu, jobby job. Adieu. I learned much from you, I was given many opportunities and for that I am thankful. So sorry that we must depart on such terms.
Hello adventure known as Now. What is in store today? Please make it something that starts after 10AM.
You know, it's funny. I started this journal to let my creative side escape during the day. I didn't realize how free it would let me become.
So that's the reason. That's the history.
Those of you who are here to peer into my moments of dislike and two-faced-ness... those moments have been deleted or are now not accesible. Read on only if you don't really care what I say or how I say it. Read on if you know that I'm only human and do things that humans do... and we all know how weird those human types are.
For the rest, I am back. And I have much more to tell you. But that will have to be later.
PS. No, this entry was not written in the future. Diaryland just believes that today is the 19th of Feb. Strange, isn't it?