LADEELEROY

2002-11-18

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E-Bay Seduced Me With Its Retro Swag
 
  Wow.

Check this shit out.

Yeah, dude.

Yeah.

I bought that swag lamp. No, not for $59.99. No, not for $35.99. No, you're wrong again my friend...

I got this lovely piece of sweet decor for the low low price of $5.50.

Holy shit.

E-bay. I may want to have a mad affair with you. I want to make out with your merchandise in the office supply closet when no one is looking. I want to run my khaki-clad leg along your search engine and feel my heart quicken as I count down the seconds of my auction. Constantly pressing refresh refresh resfresh until there is nothing to refresh... just something to claim as my OWN.

Yeah. I know. That lamp is dead ass fugly... but I LOVE IT. This is how my house is decorated.. I've got these swag lamps everywhere. We just got the 40 gallon aquarium up and running. That's right people. A 40 gallon aquarium.

That makes a total of four (4) aquariums in the house. A total of 80 gallons of water chilling out in the domicile.

Someone told me that aquariums are white trash.

But imagine a 40 gallon aquarium with two swag lamps hanging over it.

That's not Trashy. It's Clashy.

My co-worker says I have Pedophile Trash taste, as in "come into my retro house... would you like to come down to the basement to check out my goldfish? How about a piece of candy out of my vaginal-shaped pink candy dish?"

I prefer the term Ecclectic. But hell, if ecclectic means being Pedophile Trash, that's what I'm going to be.

Because I love the swag.

HELLS YEAH SWAG, I LOVE YOUOOOOOOOO!

 
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Copyright 2001, 2002, 2003, 2004 L.Leroy