Strom Thurmond died yesterday at the age of 100.
The supreme court overturned a Texas state law that banned sodomy between two consenting adults.
Does anyone else find this a bit ironic?
Put your hand back in your pocket, Alanis. I'm not talking about your form of irony.
And yes. Death. I know. It's sacred and it's something that should be treated respectfully. One should not speak ill of the recently deceased.
Here's how I hope Strom is welcomed into hell.
Satan: Well. Hello Strom.
Strom: Where am I?
Strom: Am I dead?
Satan: You are a quick one, Strom.
Strom: But I was only 100! I had the rest of my life ahead of me! And what is a Native American doing in hell?
Satan: Oh. I was sure you would recognize me. But I can see that your stereotyping mind has again misguided you. My skin is red not because I'm Native American, you bigot.. it's because I'm the mother fucking devil.
Strom: But- but- but- I was a good Christian man. My father fought in the Civil War! I served my country! I was the longest serving senator in the history of my country! I have tons of federal military buildings named after me and I always had my constituents at heart! I was a Dixiecrat- I was for segregation! I am as pure as American Pie made by soft, white womanly hands!
Satan: That's right. Please follow me to your eternal place of damnation.
Strom: You mean I have a room?
Satan: Hell no. After all of that shit you pulled up there, you have an entire wing.
Strom: A wing, eh? Well. I guess that means I'm special.
Satan: Go on in.
Strom: Surely this can't be my wing. It's on the East side of hell underneath a major highway.
Satan: Go. On. In.
Strom: But this is the bad part of hell. I'll surely be mugged or sodomized.
Satan: Shut your fucking conservative mouth and get in your fucking wing.
Strom: Wait a second! This isn't my body! This isn't my skin! My skin was white! My body was old! I look like- I look like-
Satan: You look like an African-American woman. And here's your 4.2 children.
Strom: What? Children? I can't raise children. I'm a man.
Satan: Not anymore. You're now a single mother of 4.2 children.
Satan: And you're unemployed.
Satan: And you have no education.
Satan: And no access to healthcare for yourself or your 4.2 children.
Satan: And one of your children is gay and wants to be in the military. Another one enjoys the arts and applies for NEA grants all day long. Another one suffers from mental illness. And the other one is a voting liberal.
Strom: What about the .2 kid?
Satan: Oh. The .2 child is disabled.
Strom: Oh. My. Holy. Jesus.
Satan: And you enjoy wearing pants.
Satan: Yes, Strom. Welcome to your hell. Every morning you will wake up hungry and hear your children cry because they don't want to go to school because they have no shoes. You will live in a house underneath a highway where your view will be of a country club that you're not allowed to go to. You'll have the urge to go to school, but won't be able to because you can't afford day care for your children. Since you don't have an education, you won't be able to get a job. Since you don't have a job, you won't have any income. Since you don't have any income, you'll have to rely on welfare. Since welfare is not enough, you'll have to depend on charity.
Strom: Charity? Well that's a relief.
Satan: Charity from a local Muslim non-profit group.
Strom: Oh. My. Holy. Lord.
Satan: All right. Enjoy eternity.
Strom: Wait! Wait! Is there anyway that I can redeem myself?
Satan: Well. There is one way.
Strom: Yes. Anything. Please tell me.
Satan: Plant this tree in the middle of an oil field.
Strom: Plant a tree in an oil field? Are you nuts?
Satan: Enjoy hell.
Okay, you conservative readers, feel free to hate me for the next 48 hours. But please understand that in these incredibly conservative bombing tax cuts for the rich times, we liberals have to find joy in even the darkest of events.
I do hope that Strom rests in peace.
If he even knows what peace is.
End of political entry.