LADEELEROY

2003-05-22

GUESTBOOK
PROFILE
OLDER ENTRIES
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12% BEER
DIARYLAND
 
My Ass Is Broke. In The Metaphoric Sense.
 
  My actual grocery list from an afternoon HEB (local grocery, not a random antisemitic catch phrase) excursion.

HEB GENERIC FAT FREE MILK: 1.69

HEB GENERIC WHITE BREAD (THIN): 0.59

TOP RAMEN NOODLES BEEF FLAVA: 0.26

TOP RAMEN NOODLES BEEF FLAVA: 0.26

TOP RAMEN NOODLES BEEF FLAVA: 0.26

TOP RAMEN NOODLES BEEF FLAVA: 0.26

TOP RAMEN NOODLES BEEF FLAVA: 0.26

TOP RAMEN NOODLES BEEF FLAVA: 0.26

TOP RAMEN NOODLES BEEF FLAVA: 0.26

TOP RAMEN NOODLES BEEF FLAVA: 0.26

HEB GENERIC TUNA FISH (SPRING): 0.44

HEB GENERIC TUNA FISH (SPRING): 0.44

HEB GENERIC TUNA FISH (SPRING): 0.44

HEB GENERIC TUNA FISH (SPRING): 0.44

HEB GENERIC MEDIUM EGGS GRD A: 0.69

TOTINO'S PARTY PIZZA PEPPERONI: 0.88

TOTINO'S PARTY PIZZA PEPPERONI: 0.88

TOTINO'S PARTY PIZZA PEPPERONI: 0.88

TOTINO'S PARTY PIZZA PEPPERONI: 0.88

TOTAL (with tax): $9.25

Okay. Here's the deal. This is the most I've spent in the last three weeks. I am broke.

Brizzoke, for those of you on the East Side.

I can't remember the last time I had this little cash. Wait. Yes I can.

When I first graduated from college. I didn't have a toster. No microwave. Pans. Forks. Nothing. I did, however, own a George Foreman grill.

And I fucking cooked everything on that George Foreman grill. I made "omlettes" on it (basically scrambled eggs that I poured on there; to prevent the eggs from leaking out of the specialized fat reducing grooves into the specialized Foreman fat container/trough, I would block said grooves with slices of bacon that would be grilled as well, hence, the "omlette"). I made toast on it. I tried to boil water on it once, but couldn't get the cup of water to stay upright long enough to boil. So I ate the Ramen raw.

And those were hard times. But shit, I was just out of college, that's what you're supposed to go through when you're straight out of school.

Straight out of school with a theater degree, at least.

But now. Now, it's been three years since that time and dammitall, a gal shouldn't be relying on the nutritional value of Totino's Party Pizza to give her her daily dose of vitamins, etc.

I have to admit. There has been the thought of getting food stamps. "You can't buy toilet paper with them, but you can always wipe your ass with a steak," first-love-of-my-life explained to me.

But I'm not going to do that. I can struggle through. Food stamps will be the last resort.

Get a job you fucking hippie.

Well. I have.

I've gotten a job. And I can't go into specifics because the last time I did, the specifics got me fired. But.

I do have a job.

A job that won't be able to pay me until two weeks from now.

And that's cool. Because I understand that pay cycles are weird and all of that and hey, no biggie. I've got eight packages of ramen and 12 eggs that I can eat for the next two weeks.

And tuna fish sandwhiches are actually very very very very very good. Especially if you throw some horseradish in there. Damn tasty.

So I'm not complaining. Okay, I am. But- I need to go through this phase in life. I need to experience what it's like to not go out. Not have beer. Not drive thru Wendy's. Not pay rent.

It's all going to be chalked up to building character. That is, unless, I don't eat the chalk out of sheer hunger.

Chalk has vitamins, right?

PS. A special thanks to you that prayed for the resurrection of my 1989 Honda Civic 4DR DX. The good news is that it is fine, and resting after receiving needed resources. Like gas. And oil. You know, things that make your car run.

PPS. This is in no way a plea for you to make funds to The LadeeLeroy Brizzoke Ass Foundation. It's only a chance for me to record this moment in life.. so that when I look back while wearing a pant suit made out of 100 bills ya'll, I'll be able to say, "Habberdabbersquash. That was some time ago." And I'll order Ralpholio, my cool butler/best friend to come over and delete this bleak entry from the past. Habberdabbersquash, oh yes. Habberdabbersquash.

 
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Mellowwwwnade
Copyright 2001, 2002, 2003, 2004 L.Leroy