LADEELEROY

2003-02-09

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Tomorrow I'll Buy A SqueeGee
 
  It was a bad morning all around.

Just not good in the least. No need for details as one should be able to understand that details aren't really needed when someone says, "It was just a bad morning all around."

I had to get out of the house. Needed to just go somewhere. Anywhere because staying in one place for such a long amount of time was beginning to make me resent everything around me to the point where I thought I would scream at the top of my lungs or cry or just continue to sit and let my brain eat itself.

I grabbed my keys and I walked out to my car. Opened the driver's door; got in. Started the car and looked up.

My entire windshield was covered in shit. I'm not talking "bird poop." No, this was a large amount of shit. S-H-I-MotherFukkin-T.

I almost just gave up. I thought to myself that there was no point in trying to fight. The symbolism that my shit schpattered windshield had was too much for me to handle.

But I went on anyway. I pressed the clutch, I turned the key, I tuned the radio to Jammin' 105.9 and I went onto the public streets of Austin.

And Austin is not the grand city one would like it to be when peering through a windshield covered in large brown shit blasts. The capitol building loses its regal charm when it looks as if it had been shat apon again and again. The skyline of downtown is a bit repulsive because it's buried under grainy craps of some unknown animal with the gift of flight and weak bowels (bowls). The citizens that usually smile have no expressions of welcoming because their heads had been replaced with ginourmous terdlings of woe.

That's when I turned on the windshield wipers and pressed the button that magically mists my field of vision with a cleaning solution.

This only caused the shit to be smeared so that any spot of clarity was instantly fogged. Now my entire windshield was comparable to a stained-glass piece of art done by some artist obsessed with fecal matter and blessed with a NEA Grant.

And this is when I began to cry and laugh at the sametime.

Because sometimes your life if going to be a big schmear of shit no matter how you look at it. You can try to clean it off, but it will just make the shit even shittier.

Best thing to do is just let the shit dry and flake off on its own schedule and avoid parking under any trees.

 
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Copyright 2001, 2002, 2003, 2004 L.Leroy