Hey there starving artists!
Put down that air and butter sandwich because your mouth is about to drop!
Take that noose off from around your head because you're gonna wanna be alive for this opportunity!
Stop circling classified ads that have the words "Gentleman," "Entertainers," "No Experience Necessary" and "Free Steak Perks" because you're going to want to use that pen for something else!
DO WE HAVE YOUR ATTENTION? LISTEN UP...
Ask yourself the following questions:
Do I have veins?
Are these veins able to be pricked with a needle?
Are my veins filled with money?
That's right, starving artist! Your veins are filled with precious precious money!
Come on down to PLASMA BILL'S PLASMA BLOWOUT CENTER and for one pint of your plasma you'll earn up to $20!!
And look out! PLASMA BILL HAS GONE MONEY-FOR-PLASMA-CRAZY!!!!!
If this is your first time to ever donate plasma PLASMA BILL will give you an extra $5 for getting over your fear of being stereotyped as being a "crackwhore looking for a fix" or a "whine-o wanting to get ripped". He'll even throw in a complimentary cookie and a generic cola just to show you HOW MUCH HE APPRECIATES YOU BODY FLUIDS.
Listen to what some former customers of PLASMA BILL'S PLASMA BLOWOUT CENTER say:
"I only passed out once! Not three or four times like I'm used to at other Plasma donation centers! When I came to, the staff was very helpful and gave me an orange juice free of charge! I felt like a real princess!" - Natalia Sanders, donor since 1998.
"My friends all thought that I was doing intravenous drugs because of the strange track marks on my arms! They didn't believe it was true when I told them that they were wrong! Boy, are my friends stupid!" - Trey Parker, donor since 2002.
"I like the way PLASMA BILL'S smells. It reminds me of the way stamps taste."- Georgia McCallister, donor since 2002.
"I feel like I've struck oil, but in a different, more invasive way."- Gregory Mittler, donor since 1996.
"Your quote here!!!!!!"- You, donor since NOW!!!!!
So come on down to PLASMA BILL'S PLASMA BLOWOUT CENTER today!!!
"If there's one thing I love more than plasma, it's other people's desperate need for money!!!!!"- Plasma Bill, CEO