LADEELEROY

2003-02-28

GUESTBOOK
PROFILE
OLDER ENTRIES
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Eve's First Words. Rated R.
 
  Eve enters

She is naked. Or perhaps she is wearing a flesh coloured unitard with two symetrical breats drawn on it and a line to represent the first womanly vagina. She has no belly button, of course.

Oh, Eve is a sight. She is, indeed, the first woman of earth. Made in the image of God, with a nice rack and hair of spun spinnings. So beautiful. So perfect. So like Eve.

She slowly makes way through the Garden of Eden. She smells the fresh air of the new Earth. She stoops to drink of the water which tastes incredibly similar to the flavor of Clearly Canadian. She holds out a finger for a bird to perch on. Instead, a turtle flies from the creek and lands to sing her a tune. Eve is captured by the turtle's fine liberatto and feels overwhelmed with love and peace.

Suddenly, she comes to the apple tree. It is a large tree, with many bright crimson red, like the lips of a hostess at a Mexican restaurant, apples. They glisten in the sun.

Apples: Glisten glisten.

Sun: Shine shine.

Suddenly, an apple falls from the tree onto the ground. It slowly rolls over to Eve's feet.

She studies it, never before seeing such a fruit and never before being so alone and enaged by something unfamilar.

Eve picks up the apple. She squeezes it. It is hard. She smells it. It smells like apples, not that Eve would know what an 'apple' is. She rubs it on her body, but no lather is produced.

Sun: Shine shine.

Eve brings the apple closer to her mouth. She opens it, revealing pearly white teeth, like porcelin. The animals in the Garden of Eden gasp.

Animals: Gasp.

Eve stops. She looks about. She brings the apple once again to her mouth.

Animals: Gaaaaaasp.

Eve stops. She points at something afar, perhaps an eagle soaring by the crest of Mount Beautiful. The animals of the garden turn. Eve takes a bite of the apple.

Munch. Munch. Munch.

Eve's eyes suddenly grow wide. It is like she has walked into a movie theater after traveling through desert of white, although neither of those exist at this point, however the same affect is achieved. She stops chewing, now becoming Aware. A small bit of drool drops from her mouth onto the ground.

Eve looks about. Her hands start to crawl up her body. She speaks.

Eve: HOLY FUCKING SHIT! THIS FUCKING SHIT IS THE BEST FUCKING THING I'VE PUT IN MY FUNKING MOUTH EVER. FUCK.

She takes another bite. Her eyes grow wider.

Eve: OH MY GOD THIS SHIT IS LIKE THE FUCKING SHIT IT IS SO FUCKING GOOD. FUCK SHIT FUCK DAMN SHIT MOTHER FUCKING SHIT YEAH.

She takes another bite. Her hands continue to caress her entire body.

Eve: Wait a secon-

Her hands are apon her breasts.

Eve: I'VE GOT TITS!

TIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITS.

TITTTTTTTIES. TITS TITS TITS TITS.

She does a jolly dance.

Eve: These are called tits. Lalalalala tits. I have tits. They are so great. Great great great great. Tits. AH.

She looks at herself.

Eve: I AM SO FUCKING HOT. OH MY GOD I AM SO FUCKING PHINE. P-H-INE. Damn, lookame. Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayum. Apple tree, you think I'm fine, right?

Apple tree: You've got some nice apples, there.

Eve: Apples? Wha- oh, you mean my TIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITS. Yeah, these are some damn fine apples. WHOOOOOOOO APPLES.

Eve puts on some glasses.

Eve: I have the urge to vote!

Settler: Whoa, there Eve. Now lets not get out of hand there.

Eve: No, I feel the need to go out an make myself heard. I want to make my mark, stick it to the man, put the fire in the hole, count down to the shuttle launch, sniff some dry erase markers, shake my new found titties to the beat of an off stage drum.

An offstage drum plays. Eve shakes.

Settler: There will be noe woman voting in these here parts, no sireebob. Not if me and my musket rifle here can help it.

Musket rifle: Oppression, baby, get used to it.

To be continued.........

 
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