I hope you're having a damn fine time.

I also hope that you know that we don't miss you. At all. We're perfectly fine being here by ourselves, in Texas, where we always are.

Always.

Yeah. We don't even remember your names anymore. Prince-a-what? Muffin who? Cross huh? Higgin how?

The only thing that we do have to remind us that you, at one time, did truly exist, is the house that you left behind in Ranger's and Newmany's responsible hands.

Responsible. Hands. That are capable of holding beers.

Since we, those left behind, are not ones to sit and wallow in sadness and wish for the days of past, we decided to make the most of your empty house while you are gone.

And since we know that you're probably hanging out in windmills, picking tulips, ordering hash from legalized hash bars, and dancing on the tops of bars in Bier Hallens, we decided to do things that we knew you couldn't do while you're in Germany, Italy, France, etc.

We're having some adventure of our own. Adventures that you can't have because you're not here.

Boo. Yeah.

What? Petty? Nah. Just extremely jealous and mournful for your absence.

Friday was declared Irish Cinco De Mayo Nite.

Yep. Ireland. And Mexico. Countries that you're not going to. Ha!

In celebration of Irish Cinco De Mayo Nite, special arrangements were made. Green was worn. Tecate was ordered. Whiskey was (as always) consumed. Moustaches were donned by all.

But you missed so much more. You missed the experience of Irish Cinco De Mayo Nite.

There was the Running Of The Shamrocks. Here's a picutre of Newmany getting gorged by one of the more aggressive Shamrocks. The scream. The pain. The image will never escape my mind. Why weren't you guys here to stop him from getting involved in such a horrific cultrual tradition? Oh yeah. Because you're in Europe.

Later, there was the more humane activity of bull fighting. Do not worry. No Newmay's were actually injured in the process.

I had so much fun, I had to salute my Irish ancestors with a jaunty jig. Ole, yo.

Later, I was injured when one of the patio chairs bit me. Yes. I was wearing underwear that night. They cost me $5.00 and I bought them in May. Cinco De Mayo Panties.

Our Lady of Gudalupe made an apperance.

Ranger was stunned. So stunned that he had to drink more whiskey. I mean, he went on that bus tour of monestaries and never once did he see the Virgin Mary. Especially a Virgin as hot as the one that we saw. Damn, Virgin Mary, you is so sexy.

Werzner, being the only one of sound mind when the Virgin did appear, saluted her in the only way he knew how, Tecate in hand. What a good Catholic that Werzner is.

There was also the usual dance party break out. There were also massages taking place in the doorway. There was also the dinkity dank partake. All of the festivities were too much for Newmany and I. Hence, the passing out in our respected places of comfort, dreaming dreams of the Canadian Lou-ow that will commence next week.

Yeah.

We wish you were here too.

We miss you very much. Pay no attention to the expressions of joy displayed above. They only mask the tearful faces that we truly have because you guys are not here.

Write, dammit.

Miss you.

Love you.

Lurve,

Leroy