LADEELEROY

2005-06-23

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I Woke Up Realizing That I'm Actually Doing A Pretty Fine Job With My Life
 
  Huh.

Huh huh huh huh huh.


Life is pretty dang interesting sometimes. Like you'll just sit back and you'll say, "This is not my beautiful wife. This is not my beautiful home." And then you'll realize that you're not married or gay and that you don't own a home and then you'll say "Huh."


I have to say that in the last two months I've totally impressed myself. You know, breaking up is hard to do. It is. But Lipman and I are handling the particulars (closing up the lease, splitting an old bill fairly and squarely, giving space as it is most needed) very well. I think that this is something that I learned after my parents divorced- that you should always treat someone that you once shared a life with in the most honorable and sincere fashion. No need to set their guppy tank on fire. No need to spread slanderous rumors that consist of the words "seeping" or "wound hole" or "never heals" to the community around you. No. That's not treating someone that has been a very large influence on your life with respect and and sincerity.

If I ever have a kid, I think I'll call it Sincerity.

"Sincerity, get in here and finish your Chili Mac!"

OK. Never mind. That would suck.

But aside from the break up, there's been some life changes for me. I've had to come to depend on myself in a moment or two or three of extreme crisis.

You know what was refreshing?

I didn't crack. I didn't. I was completely capable of handling the situations like an adult. I was able to pat myself on the back and say, "Damn fine job, Leroy." Or, I'd say, "God dammit, Leroy. That was fucking stupid. Fucking stupid." Then I'd let myself be angry for a while, but then make it up to me by going to a coffee shop and buying myself a lemonade and a organic egg salad sanwich. Adults make mistakes sometimes.

My Pops has diagnosed me with something he calls a "Peter Pan Complex." I guess if you looked this unreal complex up in a medical journal, you'd find that it means I have a tendency to latch onto not growing up. I don't think this is necessarily a bad thing. There's something to be said about keeping a young mind and heart while the soul container around you grows with the years.

But I think the Pops would be proud to know that I've done some pretty smart and adult things these last couple of months and have handled the moronic things with the patience of a capable woman.

Sometimes you wake up in the morning and you say to yourself, "Hey. I'm doing pretty damn good. I'm really able to take care of myself." And that's a nice feeling. So I guess I'm just kind of writing this down so I can look back on this entry and say, "OK, Leroy. OK. See? You can do it. You can!"

That's all.

 
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Copyright 2001, 2002, 2003, 2004 L.Leroy