This is not my Diaryland Tell All. I just feel the need to say something as my tendency to be silent may put my OG at risk.
Please. If you have been following the Diaryland Survivor Contest, I would like to refer you at this moment to the following pages:
First and foremost- I am so thrilled to have gotten this far in the game. Final two? Hot damn.
Second and secondmost- I would not have made it this far in the game if I did not have TvZero as my Original Gangster.
Let me give you a little background history from my point of view.. do you mind? You'll be rewarded with chocolate milk and cookies at the end....
Good. I'm glad you stayed.
I have this issue about being sincere. The thing is- if I can't be sincere with someone, I try not to come into contact with the person at all. It's a trait I've had for all of my life. It's the way I grew into an adult. It's the reason why I have this huge callous on my tongue (many times has it been bitten).
What sucks about this issue is that sometimes you'll be put in a situation where you're going to be forced to truly be sincere with other human beings. No matter how much you do not want to be.
Human beings shave. They know how to use a phone. Sometimes they eat cheese and crackers.
Human beings are a tricky species.
They can be especially very tricky when you put them in an environment that forces them to be competitive. Luckily, some human beings actually enjoy this type of atmosphere. Some actually enjoy playing games.
I happen to fall into the category of a cheese and cracker eating, shaving human being that enjoys playing games. Hence, the reason why I joined the Survivor Game.
Now I know that many can argue until they are blue in the face, but the goal of Diaryland Survivor is to be the final one standing. How one does that is entirely up to the individual- but a large part of the game is logic, wit and writing skills.
As I address in one of the many e-mail correspondences with Miss Throcky:
"...part of playing games is strategizing and setting up your pieces so that you come out on the offensive side rather than the defensive side. Much like chess. People don't play chess to look at the perfect cuts of each pon, rook, and bishop. They play chess to overtake the queen and check their mate. Then, after the game, they join each other for a cup of coffee and talk about the weather. Such is the triviality of playing games. I do hope that you can respect that some of us are playing the game aspect of this contest, not out of lack of enthusiasm for our own writing, but out of the enjoyment of moving rooks, bishops, and queens.
I do understand that some people will believe that there is no merit in creating alliances. If this were not a contest, I would agree. It would be cruel and unusual for people to gang up and go through the entire Diaryland population randomly antagonizing and demeaning the innocent bystanders. However, this is Diaryland Survivor. It is not Diaryland Constructive Criticism Club. One is not bestowed with a crown and the title "Best Writer in Diaryland." If that were the case, I would not have joined the game in the first place. (Why? Because there is no such thing as "The Best Writer"-- there would be no panel in the entire world that could completely agree 100% that one person is loads better than another.) This is not an environment purely focused on one's ability to write. It is a place to use your ability to write, along with an ability to strategize, to play a game. And that's what I am doing. I'm writing while playing a game. I find joy in this aspect."
And, just in case somehow my e-mail gets corrupted in the rumor chain, I did not end it with "AND I HOPE ALL OF YOU DIE IN A HORRIBLE CAR CRASH." That part I edited out. (That was a joke for those of you who take all things literal.)
If my instincts are right, I think the majority of those involved with the game- both on the judge's side as well as on the contestant's side- understand that this is a game.
What is unfortunate is that sometimes people get very emotionally involved.
I applaud those that do. If you enjoy getting upset over what people that you've never met before say to you- well damn, I'll pitch in for you to buy your crepe paper and Chex Mix for the pitty party that will ensue.
But I will be sincere here-
Pitty parties can sometimes get a little annoying. Especially when the Pitty party evolves into an Attack Party.
TVZero played this game incredibly well and followed his heart the majority of the way. Sometimes his heart felt like bitch slapping and one or two of you may have felt the sting.
I have to admit- I find his ability to say what he feels when he feels it to be admirable.
It's an ability that I don't have. My bitch slaps are more like bitch love pats and love pats don't really deliver the true message at times.
I don't want TvZero to be getting the load of negativity that apparently is being directed at him. I was his partner in crime. I had his back at any moment he needed it and he had mine. The only difference is that TvZero was more vocal than I was. TvZero made much more of an effort to actually sleuth out who said what, when, where, why and how often. I, on the other hand, played it safe and only spoke to others in moments where I knew I could be sincere.
Hence the reason why many of you never ever heard from me and why you heard from TvZero so much.
What I would like to point out is that many of the things TvZero has said in the past were matters that I agreed 100% with:
The one bitchy judge? Oh my God. I wanted to Bitch Love Pat her.
Throcky e-mailing us her own personal Immunity Challenges and making catty comments about others in the ol' bait and switch fashion? Luckily I was able to be sincere with her and hopefully got my point across that I was playing the game the way I chose to play it and if she disagreed, well, that's her opinon. But I will admit that there were times where I just did not understand Throcky's tactics. If she wanted out of the game so badly earlier, why was she playing so hard and being twice as sneeky, catty and manipulative after she was out? Why would one enter a contest that obviously does not focus purely on writing merit, get huffy when things do not go according to one's own set of rules, rearrange one's previous standards and then conveniently cover up any hint of hypocrisy with a $100 check? I may have just answered my own question- it's the way that some people choose to play the game. Okay by me.. No Bitch Love Pat there, just pure apathy. (Side note to Throcky: as I stated in my last e-mail with you.. if you do have any questions or comments, you, like all the other Survivors may address them to me in the final Q&A. I will let you know that if you ask me to be involved in your Merit Survivor Contest, I will decline. I signed up to play Diaryland Survivor. Not Diaryland Merit. I already know I have merit and don't wish to give others the chance to decide for me. This is not a personal attack, it's just that I do not wish to play any more games. Thanks in advance for understanding. I just wanted to give you the heads up so that your final question or comment would be about the game at present- DS3 OG, if you will. If you like, you may blame all of this on my large ego that you assume I possess. Brass sections sometimes are a person's favorite part of the orchestra. I'm personally a fan of woodwinds. Interpret as you choose. PS. I'm allergic to feathers and caps, dear madam.)
Mattu getting upset about being voted off? Well, Matt. I explained to you when this issue was raised that I had an Original Gangster Pact with TVZero from the start and that I was going to stick to my original agreement. Again, as I've said in the past, I regret that your feelings might have gotten hurt, but I guess that sometimes that's the consequence of playing games. I do think you are a sweetheart and I did enjoy getting to know you. All of that is sincere. I hope that you won't continue to be upset by the outcome. In the end, all of this really is not worth it... unless you want it to be. That's up to you.
To everyone else involved...
thank you in advance for playing the game. Thank you in advance for finishing the game until the end. Please vote. Consider being a judge for the tentative DS4. Tip your waitstaff and bartender generously.
While I will not take the opportunity to individually address you, I will sincerely say that I have been intrigued with each and everyone of you- not only with your writings, but also with your approach to being caged with 15 other strangers fighting it out until the bitter end. Literally. I have to say that it's made my day much more interesting and has been an excellent observation of human nature, without the cheese and crackers.
I'm writing this because, as I stated before, I agreed to be with TVZero until the end. We had always agreed that we would have each other's backs. I'm trying to support him now. I want the playing field to be even. I want you to know that he played the game from all aspects. He did it in his own brilliant TVZero fashion. He said everything I wanted to say but remained quiet about; he coverd me in my moments of passive insincerity.
And in the process an incredibly cool friendship with a complete and total stranger has been created... and for that I am thankful. For that reason I am glad that I've stuck it out this long and endured the ebbs and flows of a game- a game that bred cunning manipulation, creative brilliance and encouraged germination in friendships and correspondence between people that had not previously known of one another's existence.
I guess that's it. I guess I said what I wanted to say. Remember the game at present. Choose by your own heart on what criteria you will decide your final vote- but please, make that criteria a sincere part of the game... not a part of what has resulted as a consequence of the game. Does that make sense? Maybe I didn't word it right.
All in all. TVZero is a fantastic contestant. He played the game in a fashion that worked to his benefit. He supported me in moments where I needed it most (both inside the game and outside of it). If anything I have said may actually even out the playing ground between he and I, then it is well deserved. For both of us.
I'm sorry. There's not really any chocolate milk or cookies here. I lied. For the first time in this game... I lied. There. I'm evil.