LADEELEROY

2002-04-03

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DIARYLAND
 
IC #3 or TVZero Stole My Man
 
  So.

The next Diaryland Survivor Immunity Challenge says that we gotta choose one person we want to see voted off purely because they threaten our chances of being the final contestant. Well. I've already noticed that a couple of people in the contest have decided that I would be the choice. Which makes sense because they're threatened by my mad Diaryland writing skills. It's understood. It's a game. They can't handle the pressure of having the Ladeeleroy there screwing up their scene. Yeah. It's all good.

But me.

The person I'm voting off. Yeah. He's a good writer. Yeah. He's got a sense of humor. Sure, he may actually be one of the biggest competitors in the entire game.

But that's not the reason why he's outta there. This goes far beyond the game. This goes beyond Tribal Councils and Immunity Challenges and Judge's Blogs and Kitchenlogic getting pissed off about stuff that I can't even remember now so it must not have been too important in the first place.

He's gone too far.

Too fucking far.

He stole my Man.

Look.

Apparently, Mr. TVZero somehow managed to get my boyfriend over to the island. Why did Lipman decide to come to the island and not tell me? That's not important now- because we all know that when you are cheated on, it is not the person you love's fault.

It's the skanky ass ho that thought that it was her right to put her nasty ass Lee-Press-On-Nails-Smelling-Like-Egg-Rolls-Dipped-In-Baby-Oil-hands all over YOUR man's fault.

In this case, the skany ass ho is TVZero.

So Lipman and TVZero thought that they'd go on a little picnic next to some mountain ranges. Thought it'd be real romantic to declare their love on the side of a mountain by spray painting their initials. (By the way, the spray paint being used was made out of baby owl's blood- yet another reason why TVZero's got to go. He's a man stealer and a Baby Owl killer- need I say more?) They didn't even do a good job. The heart doesn't even look like a heart. It looks like a bloated pinto bean that got stuck in a really small drain hole.

You know all about really small holes, dontcha TVZero?

Yeah. That's what I thought. Small hole lover!

(I don't really know what that means, but it makes me seem really rugged. Yeah. Rugged=Tough&Pissed.)

And TVZero can't deny it. Because I gots the proof. That photo was taken by Ranger Rick, who is a racoon that doubles as a Private Investigator.

Why did I hire a racoon to spy on my boyfriend and fellow diaryland survivor?

No time for stupid questions. Let's just get to the point.

TVZero has got to go. There is no way that I can stay on an island with a skanky-ass-TV-watching making-the-funny-ha-ha-in-his-diary all-the-damn-time punk-ass man-stealing baby-owl-killing-and-using-its-blood for arts-and-crafts-time punk-ass beeotch. I mean, yes. I can forget and forgive.

I can be a bigger woman and realize that this tragic occurence will only make my relationship with Lipman stronger.

But I could also invite TVZero over to my hut for a little game of "Let's Break TVZero's Legs." Then, when that game is over, we can go view the TVZero's Body Can Be Dumped Here Canyon. He'll probably want to stay because the view will be so astounding. Then his friends Mr. & Mrs. Peck Your Eyeballs Out With Sharp Beeks will stop by for a little visit. They'll have a grand ol' time. Later on, the Digesting Ameoba Gang will stop by and see if they can't recruit him into their gang of singular cells.

Or, I could just put this all in the past and realize it's just a game.

Because it is.

This is just a stupid game.

 
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Copyright 2001, 2002, 2003, 2004 L.Leroy